Marriage as a Vocation: The Jean and David Holliger Story

This is the fourth article in our series on vocations.

Why in the world would we be asked to write about the vocation of marriage? In fact, we have only been married just over a year and a half. And what is meant by a “vocation of marriage” anyway? Well, although some would still consider us newlyweds – we have both been married before and have experienced the loss of our spouses. God then brought us together to begin a new journey as a couple. It is through our relationship with each other and those around us that we feel answer’s God’s call to living a committed life.

So we did some research to help with the technical definition of the vocation of marriage, and thought that sharing our story would provide some real-life insight on our interpretation of it.

According to Archbishop J. Francis Stafford’s article “The Vocation of Marriage in God’s Plan”:

“For example, when the Church speaks of vocation, she means a calling out to each person to accomplish a task preordained by God in the co-redemption of the world. The highest joy in life for a Christian is searching out, discovering, and pursuing the purpose for which God called him into existence.” He continues with: “When the Catholic Church teaches that marriage is a Christian vocation it is saying that the couple’s relationship is more than simply their choice to enter a union which is a social and legal institution. In addition to these things, marriage involves a call from God and a response from two people who promise to build, with the help of divine grace, a lifelong, intimate and sacramental partnership of love and life.” In summation: “The vocation to marriage is a call to a life of holiness and service within the couple’s own relationship and in their family. As a particular way of following the Lord, this vocation also challenges a couple to live their marriage in a way that expresses God’s truth and love in the world.”

As we all know, it is one thing to read these words and another thing to try and live by them. That being said, we’d like to share our stories with you.

Jean’s Story

When I married many years ago, I never could have imagined what was in store for my life. As we pledged on that happy day to love, honor and cherish each other for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do we part – we never even considered that sickness and death would come so soon. However, within fifteen years my late husband Ralph was diagnosed with cancer and lived only two years after that.

In the beginning we thought our biggest problems would surround our differences in religion; he was Baptist and I was Catholic. But somehow keeping God in our lives in our own way and respecting that about the other made it very workable. We tried to concentrate on our similar beliefs and it worked. Marriage is hard work no matter how much you love each other, but keeping in mind that God has a reason for us being together made it easier. You have to search for the answer. In the end, even though it was the darkest and saddest time in my life, a time that caused me to question God and His reason for this tragedy, I made it through. Even at my lowest point, God gave me the strength to keep my marriage vows in the forefront when I wanted to run.

I often think about the last Christmas we had together that was a true testament to my late husband’s respect and love for me and my beliefs. He never could understand the concept of the rosary but his dying gift to me was a special handmade rosary. He commented that he knew jewelry, clothes and fancy things would never impress me, but a rosary would be the tie that would bind us through eternity.

After his death I thought I could never love again and, frankly, my heart ached so badly that I didn’t want to ever find myself in that position again. The hurt was all consuming. But I have always known, God has a grander plan for each of us and He, in His infinite wisdom, will present that plan at the right time in our lives. That time came for me ten years later when I met David. He was also widowed and reeling from the sudden, unexpected death of his spouse.

In the beginning we just spent time sharing our heartbreaking stories with someone whom could totally understand the pain. It wasn’t long before we realized that we were being called to the vocation of marriage again. Since we are very different people, we really discussed at great length if we would be able to find common ground to live marriage as a God-given vocation. We felt one major thing in our favor was our Catholic belief in the sanctity of marriage. Having been on our own after the loss of spouses, becoming a couple again has proved trying at times. But each time we hit a roadblock, we remember that we so very much believe in the grander plan of God and we keep working through our differences. Each time brings us closer together and reminds us of our call to this vocation. By keeping God in the forefront of our marriage, we are able to live our lives in a prayerfully, committed relationship.

David’s Story

As Jean stated, the loss of my spouse was very sudden and unexpected. My late wife Barbara passed away in her sleep of a pulmonary embolism – a blood clot that got lodged in her heart cutting off the flow of oxygen to the lungs. Her death was quick and painless as she never awoke from her sleep.

I had met Barbara about seven months after retiring from the Army. We dated over a year and were married in 2001. Barbara was a kindergarten teacher in the public school system as well as a catechist at St. Frances of Rome where she helped to prepare the kids for their First Communion. Not only did she help instruct the word of God to them, but she was the one who helped me return to the Church after a lengthy absence. Ironically, she passed away on the very Sunday when her kids received the sacrament of First Communion.

After her death, I too had questioned God on why he let this tragedy happen. It was during this time that I had to count on my faith the most. Even though I didn’t understand why – I had to believe that it was a part of God’s master plan. I may not know what that plan is, but I do believe He has one for all of us. It was then that God’s plan brought Jean and me together.

I think God saw two lonely people who were committed to their spouses in the vocation of marriage, and gave us the opportunity to minister to each other as well as those around us by our example. With Jean, I was given a new chance to be the husband in God that I always wanted to be. It was a second chance to do things better than before and to continue my journey as a married person in a loving, committed relationship.

In closing, we take the opportunity each day to further seek out that grander plan that God has for us. We have become active members at Epiphany through various Stewardship opportunities. We made a commitment to do an activity on our own that we felt strongly about along with an opportunity that we could participate in together. It has worked well for us. Everyday we meet the challenges of our vocation by keeping God and His plan as the center of our marriage. Our differences frequently require compromise – a letting go which is the path to a greater unity. As long as we approach these differences in a spirit of Christian love for each other, it leads us to a greater understanding, trust and closeness. It isn’t always easy, but we want to be a testimonial to other couples who seek out the vocation of marriage as they believe God has called them. There is nothing more beautiful than a God-centered marriage. We have experienced it through Jean’s own parents who just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary.

Father Jeff’s “The Good Shepherd” homily sums it all up. You might remember this homily. I think it was the one where Father Jeff put on his tennis shoes and walked a continuous loop around the center of church talking about the various races going on along with biblical examples of “being called”. Father Jeff said: “In every case, in every calling to a vocation, God’s message is ‘I will be with you’. That’s how you can do it. That’s why you can do it. That’s what will sustain you as you do it. ‘I will be with you’. You see, each of our vocations in Christ was never really about what we could do. It’s about what God can do through us.”

Through Christ all things are possible. May we all continue our journey in His name and live our lives as He would want for us.